Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize