it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
