My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
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