so explain again why im purple
no
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
