you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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