dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Randomize
