He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Randomize
