So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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