I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
