i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Dick very happy bro
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
