I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
