why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
No subtext here. People are naked.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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