Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Randomize
