were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Randomize