Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
he was CRYING into my vagina
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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