Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
