Ambien. No doubt about it.
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
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