I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
