Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
