the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Randomize