girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
