My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
