mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Randomize
