i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Randomize
