That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
