just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
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