Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Randomize
