i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize