Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
