i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
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