he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
