You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
