i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
birth control should be required to get into college
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Randomize
