The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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