with your own penis?
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
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