my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize