So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
