even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
sex in a hospital.. check
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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