is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
