You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
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