I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
