Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
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