He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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