Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
