Hey man sorry I got all grabby
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
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