my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Randomize
