I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
did i walk over a car last night?
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
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