i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
