My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
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