Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize