Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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