I think i peed on brittanys purse
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
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