it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Randomize
