I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
did i walk over a car last night?
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
