been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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