Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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