I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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