I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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