Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
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