I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Randomize
