why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
