In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
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