he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
