have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
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