I hope mine doesn't look like that
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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