My first STD was from a foam party
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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