just survived the first fart of the relationship.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
