She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
