therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
