my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
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