I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize
