When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Randomize
