Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
not ubering you a puppy
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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