I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
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