I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize