Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Randomize
