hotel room ftw
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
