Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize