I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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