Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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