Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
