My liver just broke up with me...
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
