erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Randomize
