i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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