You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
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