I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
