There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Randomize