hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
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