Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I'm too high and old for this...
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
