dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
