perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
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