there's paper in my vomit.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
areolas are like halos for boobs.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Randomize
