Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
