Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
