yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
We left the knife in your bed.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Randomize
