Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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