6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
