YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
