he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Randomize
