Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Someone shattered a urinal.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
