I wish I could punch you in the face.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Randomize
