At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
