I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
