So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
You are the jesus of drinking
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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