Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
