So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize