just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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