Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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