she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
