I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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