haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
