Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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