he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Randomize
