How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Randomize