You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
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