In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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