Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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