how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
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