The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Randomize
