I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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